Round It Goes

Man, I never use this thing anymore. Guess I'm not in a "blah blah blah this is how I feel" space.

School is good, this being involved thing is cool...albeit adds more to my plate, but I don't mind so much. Not really.

I have another doctor to set up an app't with, and the name of a doc in the states to possibly add to my list for this gender game. 'cause I don't have a long enough list yet.

My mother is still loopy but is seeking out her own fixes...which I suppose is all I can really ask of her. I know she doesn't do the rest intentionally to hurt her kids; that's just one of the things that comes along with all this. I just hope she doesn't decide to resort to pulling out the electrical wiring in her house again and getting herself killed.

Things with MP are....not copasetic. But we don't have the time to really work on it which is part of the problem for me. I have class 22 hours a week, homework ~35, sleep something like 42. that's 97 out of a possible 168. that means I have 71 hours a week that I could be spending with her (I acknowledge that I have other commitments such as family, but that still doesn't make a massive dent in the 71 hrs) so why can't we hook up to talk? I know she's essentially working two jobs right now (why?). I know she has homework to do also. and sleep. and family. but still, why am I feeling like I'm not getting my share of the pie? Maybe because I don't really consider her watching TV in my room while I do homework as 'us' time. Maybe it has something to do with the hornet's nest around my refusing to marry her (arguably, the refusal is to do it right now, in the standard format of church, god, red-neck "you may kiss the bride") and the no sex for a month. I'm bitching now. I know. but I also feel like I'm seeing her less and less as my partner, more and more as a friend I have some big contempt issues around. That scares me.

Well there ya go. Usual whiny venting. But despite the general impression things are pretty good (well, I'm still a little choked about the "you're never happy" comment) Things are going well, the universe accomodates when it isn't making CDs explode in my DVD burner...I have stuff to do, my caffeteria sells yogurt...what more could I need? (notice the supression of all snarky side-comments)

13.10.2006 - 09:54

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