That Which Spawned Me

Up to this point, I had never really felt comfortable writing about my parents, but I figured I may as well now. I'll try to be as objective as I can, but...well, what a person says about their parents tends to tell you more about them than their parents.

My father
This man is in his late fifties, but tends to act like a teenager. It is not a mid-life crisis; he has been like this since I can remember. We have the ultimate in love-hate relationships, and this tends to confuse everyone involved. He is the only person who can make me contemplate suicide because of our fights. He has anger managment issues, and only knows how to deal with them through violence. It's really too bad, and I think that a few of my rage problems come from this. We drifted apart a long time ago, and every once in awhile he tries to come back into my life, which is not met well by me because I'm not one who easily lets someone screw with the way I live my life. I too hope that we will grow close sometime, but not before I move out and he can no longer tell me how to live.

My Mother:
How my relationship with this woman has changed...initially, she was a violent, abusive woman. Both physically and mentally. I think both Shea and I still have a few scars from her wrath. She was always very paranoid, and quick to jump to conclusions. This is what triggered me to instincually lie when I think I'm going to get into trouble. I'm not even aware of it, it just comes out as a self-defence mechanism. Just one of those things where if I said I was three blocks away rather than playing in the basement, she would most likely leave me alone. I wasn't guilty of her accusations either way, but lying would keep her hands off of me. Lately she has toned down immensely. She is calmer, and more caring, and seems almost weak. Tears come easily to her. She also has premature senility, so her life is run by the scriblings on the inside flap of her cigarette box. That thought that runs through all our minds of caring for our parents once they are old and less able is coming far too fast for my mother. Despite the hurt that was inflicted as a child, I love her very much. I think she is slowly working into my chosen family.

Maybe I will understand them once I'm finished in this life, but I wish I could get a hint now.